Life is too short...

Today, I am reminded that life is too short. Life is too short to live with regrets. Too short to bog yourself down with worries and stress. Too short to be selfish or worry about worldly posessions. Too short not to get right with God NOW.

Today, is the one year anniversary of the death of someone very special. Someone that was very special to my best friend...and my best friend is very special to me. Over the past year, he has accomplished so many amazing things...

I look into the future, and I hope that as I begin to lose my family, that I will be able to carry on their memory as well as he has. I hope that I can one day take part in an MS walk to honor my mom...

I am nothing short of amazed at how God can take death and turn it into something so important to someone left behind on this Earth. It just reminds me that it IS all part of his plan, and that the grace and goodness of Him can be found in ANY situation....if you are just willing to listen.

Today, I will donate to our cause...and in October I will walk again in his honor. I am proud to be a part of the celebration of this day.

Want to donate? http://pages.lightthenight.org/ntx/DallasL10/AGreenwood

Why am I so blah???

Yesterday, I was very excited to get to church. I always enjoy my time at VCC, and was very much looking forward to another inspiring Sunday. Bob and I arrived with just minutes to spare. We hurried the kiddos into their respective classrooms, and made it into the worship service with 1:30 to spare! All was well. Sunday had officially begun!

We sang along and praised God with the worship team, and as I sang I prepared to hear about another of Jesus' amazing miracles. (We began a new 7 week series last week). After worship, they took the offering, and announced that Pastor Kevin was not going to be giving the message this week. For a moment, I thought we might get to hear another amazing message from Assoc. Pastor John Stickl. Nope. There was a guest speaker from a Church in India there to give the message today. Now, I know I shouldn't be...and it's probably wrong on 1000 different levels, but this is my blog. For my thoughts. And I'll say it.... I was DISAPPOINTED. Sure, his message was good, but it's not what I was hoping for. What I had been looking forward to ALL WEEK.

To top it off, yesterday was the last of our CORE classes with Eric Hill. I have enjoyed that time so much every week. I have learned so much, and he inspires me to learn so much more. But now it's over, and that, too, is disappointing.

I'm not sure what's going on these past 10 days or so. Bob and I started a nightly reading together last Sunday that was supposed to run 40 days. We did 3, and haven't done one since. Bob missed bible study last week. I haven't picked up my book in almost 2 weeks.

I guess I need a swift kick in the you know what to get jump started. Today, our nanny and I are back on the diet. I lost 20 pounds in January, and I've gained 10 of it back. Talk about backsliding... UGH!

Today, I'm going to pray to be inspired. I'm going to pray that God will give me the desire, the strength, and the discipline to stay focused on my journey. I don't want to go back to where I was...it was not a happy place.

Unproductive & Uninspired

Haven't written this week, which makes me sad. I've been super busy, really tired, and quite frankly, haven't had much to say.

I am disappointed, as I thought this week would hold more for me...would be something more grandeur with the baptism on Sunday. Instead, I haven't really had anything going on...other than the normal day-to-day that is my life with a full-time job, a husband, and two kids.

Today, I'm having a garage sale, which I'm quickly realizing isn't going to be much without the "community garage sale" advertising to go behind it. While I've been sitting here alone this morning, I've been thinking about my week...and how I am so very ready to start a new one tomorrow. I need to be inspired.

Our Amazing Day

Today was such an amazing day! Bob and I were both baptized this morning at church....for different, yet similar reasons...

As many of you know, Bob recently came to know Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. As his next step, and as a sign of his obedience, he came forth to be baptized today.

I can tell you that it was truly amazing on so many different levels. I was so proud for Bob to be there to witness his baptism. I was so excited to see him take this next step in his journey with Christ. It was equally amazing to see Bob be baptized by someone he looks up to and respects so much. Someone who has been an integral part of helping relay the messages of God to Bob.

It was also amazing as I "officially" started my new journey today! As I said this morning (in front of several hundred people), I have known God for a very long time, but I turned my back on him. I walked away. But he never gave up on me. He was always chasing me...trying to get me back on his path. I am ready. I am His. I am giving myself (all of myself) to Him to do as he desires. I am ready to listen. I am ready to obey. Today marked a new beginning for me. A fresh start. Not many times in life do you get a "do over," but God is gracious...and he has once again forgiven me of my sins! I was also very proud to have someone perform my baptism that I have been drawn to over the past few months. She is such an amazing woman!

Maybe the most amazing of all, is the outpouring of support that Bob and I received today. A friend from way back came out of the woodworks today to be there to witness our baptisms. A leader from the church (who was not going to be there today) came. Just to see us baptized. Another leader that we have grown very close to was there...not to watch on the screen, but in the atrium to experience it with us first hand, and it was truly amazing. I am so greatful for all of these people...not to mention my husband for being there to support me today.

The changes we have been making in our lives have already proven to be effective in our marriage, our parenting, and our friendships. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us!

When He had been baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened up to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." Matthew 3:16-17

A few updates...

So many things going on!!!

I met with the Communications Pastor from church yesterday about helping out and volunteering on the Communications team. I am so excited to get more involved!!! It was great sharing thoughts and ideas, and I am very much looking forward to spending more time with her and the team! It just further confirmed my desire to be able to "work" at church! I think those people are so blessed to get to spend all day, every day in such an awesome place.... I aspire to get there myself, one day! Also...as far as connections go, I'm also meeting with another one of the Pastors from church on Monday to talk about a new "project." I am anxious to know what it is, but again...very excited to get more involved!

I am being baptized on Sunday at the 9:30am service! This is going to be such an amazing and refreshing experience for me! A wonderful woman that I have quickly grown close to at the church will be baptizing me, and I am super excited that she is going to share in this with me! I am being baptized again as a symbol of renewal...a "fresh start" in this journey with Jesus Christ!

My grandfather has been through quite a series of tests and appointments this week, and they have decided that radiation is the best course of action for him to fight the prostate cancer. They think that it will be the least invasive, and take the smallest toll on him of all the options. We know it's not going to be a cakewalk, but it's the lesser of the three evils. He meets with the radiologist next Wednesday to go over the course of treatment (8 weeks worth), and we will go from there. We will be talking with my parents on Sunday when we go to visit about how we are all going to make it work. Who's going to handle what responsibilities when Grandpa is weak and unable to keep their household running. It's times like this when I don't like being an only child!!!

I know many of you are aware of the struggles we've been having with Addyson over the past year and a half or so. Well, after just a few counseling sessions, I am happy to report that we have decided not to go back. We have been doing much better...we've even had 2 time outs this week that DIDN'T result in a fit. WOW.... miracles really DO happen! (I don't think the changes we've been making in ourselves has hurt, either!) :)

That's about it for now.... I'll keep you posted!

Oh!!! I almost forgot! We signed Addyson up for her very first VBS!


I'll set you as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm. For there is love that is as strong as death...jealousy demanding as the grave. And many waters cannot quench this love. You won't relent until you have it all. My heart is yours. Come be the fire inside of me, come be the flame upon my heart. Come be the fire inside of me, until you I are one. --Misty Edwards "You Won't Relent"

Bad News Day

Just when things are starting to look up.

Today, I found out my Grandpa has prostate cancer. We don't know too much yet, but we know it's there. He has an appointment with the Oncologist tomorrow. He had a biopsy done yesterday, and was postponed for quite some time because his blood pressure shot up into the mid 200's. Not good. He was very nervous....as expected. He is also the only reason Grandma is still around. She had a stroke about 5 years ago, and has had an amazing recovery thanks to him. However...she is weak and doesn't take stress well, and just the thought of Grandpa having cancer, will probably kill her.

My Grandma is well into her 80's, and Grandpa turns 79 in July. Now, I know that they have lived a long life, and that it's natural progression at their age to start to have health issues...but it still sucks. My dad is 73 this year...(he was 42 when I was born), and my mom will be 60 in November, but has MS, and most likely won't see her 60th birthday. Dad's health is deteriorating just from how much he's had to take care of Mom lately...and his health, too, is starting to fade. I came to the realization earlier this year that I most likely will not have any parents or grandparents left by the time I'm 40. That's young! Too young! Now keep in mind that I'm only 30...so that's assuming God allows one of them to hang on for TEN MORE YEARS.

What saddens me is that my girls aren't going to experience "grandparents" the way I did. They aren't going to have "weekend's at Mimi's" to share with us and all their friends. The worst part is that they probably won't remember them at all, except for stories we tell and pictures we show them, and to me, that is sad. I lost my Granny at 15, and I thought that was way too soon. The difference? I know I'm going to see her again. She was a child of God, and I know that she was a believer. Grandma and Grandpa aren't Christians. I have my doubts about Mom. Dad...he'll be there, but I don't know if I'll ever see these people again once they're gone, and that causes me great sadness.

If you pray, please pray for my family in the upcoming months as we battle cancer, MS, old age, and everything in between. Pray that we can make some family memories that I can tell my girls about in a few years when they will remember them. Pray that there will be opportunities to get pictures that can be passed down through generations. Pray, most of all, for God to bless me with strength, knowledge and understanding so that I might, through Him, be able to share his Word with them before it is too late.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

My Weekend

Well, it was another crazy, busy weekend, as usual. Saturday morning we wake up, go have breakfast, come home, get ready for gymnastics showcase, go to gymnastics showcase, come home and at 6pm, we host my best friend Stuart's 30th birthday party. We finally made it to bed around 3am Sunday morning, got up in time to make the 9:30am service at church, went to our CORE class at 11am, had lunch at Red Robin, dropped Bob and the baby (still not feeling too well) off at the house, went to see my mom who lives 45 minutes away, visited for a few hours, drove back home, had dinner, played with the kids and put them both to bed at 8pm so that I could collapse. I'm sure I changed about 20 diapers in there, had a couple more meals, did a load of laundry, spent an hour cleaning up from the party, and a few other miraculous "mom" things....but that pretty much sums it up. Happy Mother's Day to me. Whew!

We had a great morning at service this morning, and as always very much enjoyed our CORE class, but I do have something to confess. Over the last few weeks, our involvement in the church has gotten much more intense, and both Bob and I continue to seek knowledge, truth and understanding. Bob has had several of the leaders at church ask him to meet with them outside of the church, join their book club, discussion group, meet for coffee, etc., yet I have not had a single person ask the same of me. Now I know that Bob is new in his faith, and has much to learn, and I am sure that is the reason that people are so anxious to reach out to him. Make sure that he is grounded in his faith, as it is so easy to slip off the newly paved path, but I was jealous. I am so fascinated by all that I am learning, hearing, seeing...and I want MORE. As soon as I realized that I was upset that he got invited out again, I felt guilty. I do want Bob to know more. I do want him to be grounded. I do want him to make new friends in the faith, and find some good Christian men to model his walk from. So, I apologize. I apologize for my selfishness, my envy, and the assumptions I have made about why they didn't ask me.

It's ironic that I experienced these feelings just after this morning's service where Pastor Kevin reminded us of this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:4-7

In light of having said that, I'm sure that one of the women from church will now ask me out for coffee after reading this blog (which I will gladly accept), but I will continue to wonder if I did something or acted a certain way that made me seem unapproachable....unfriendable, or even worse, disinterested?

I am trying to improve myself. I am trying to learn. I am trying to stay more aware of my shortcomings to make sure that this time Satan doesn't get me off my path.

Just some thoughts....

So, once again I find myself wanting to write, but not having too much to say. I have a few scattered thoughts that I guess will suffice for tonight's blog.

First and foremost, I can tell you what an amazing evening we had last night! Bob and I were joined by a friend of ours and we attended a special Praise & Prayer night at church in honor of the National Day of Prayer. It was a great time singing and praising God, while praying for our country, our state, our city and our church. Several people got up and briefly spoke, and led the group in prayer. It was nice hearing what's on different people's hearts. After hearing one of them speak, we took a few moments for silent prayer, and as I dropped to my knees and became silent, it occurred to me what I needed to pray for. I don't want my children to grow up in a school where they can't pray. I don't want them to grow up in a school system that takes the word "God" out of the pledge of allegiance. I remember the beginning of every football game starting with a prayer. Not just the players in the huddle, but the entire stadium...over the loud speaker. I can't afford to have my children in private Christian school (though the thought gets more appealing every day), so I'll just have to hope that God will place Christian leaders in our state, our school boards and in our schools.

Secondly, let me just say that Bob and I are still having such a great time getting involved in the Church. We absolutely love VCC, and look forward each day to the next time that we can go there. In that light, we talked yesterday about how wonderful it would be for that to be your job. No corporate America, just being in the house of the Lord all day. How lucky are the people that get to do that? To get to go spend your day in such a peaceful place...making a living and providing for your family by serving God full-time. Wow. I long for that.

I am still very much looking forward to meeting up with some Church friends outside of church, but we haven't gotten there, yet. We continue to meet new people each week we attend, and hopefully soon, we'll find some people that like to sit around, hang out and play board games like we do. :)

It's funny...I wanted to win the lottery before because I wanted a new house, new car, new handbag, etc.... Now, I want to win the lottery so I can donate to the church, help with missions, go to DBU and get my masters in Christian Education, put the kids in a Christian school.... Such changes in my life, and I still feel I need to win the lottery. Guess some things never change. :)

Just another day

Today, has pretty much been "just another day." I am in Orlando on business, and sat in meetings today from 8am to 8pm. THere ha e been a couple things that have struck me today, so I will write about them briefly, and then, I will retire to bed, as I have to be back up to do it again at 7:30am EST.

Today, I looked in the elevator mirror, and I actually liked what I saw. I liked how my hair has grown out. I liked my clothes. I didn't look that fat. I actually thought I looked pretty darn good, which is rare for me. You see, I grew up listening to my mom telling me I was fat, and always thinking I was ugly. I always longed to be one of the pretty girls....the skinny girls. After reading some of my book yesterday (see yesterday's blog), about the lie that we believe that outer beauty is more important than inner beauty, I realized that I, too, had believed that lie. Yesterday in my reading, I realized that God made me who I am, and that to him, I am beautiful....and today, I looked at myself in a new light.

It doesn't matter how much I try to fit in, how I dress, or how I look, it's what's inside that really counts. I know that sounds cliche, but it is true. God's love for me isn't going to change based on how I look or how I dress. People's opinions of me are going to be based much more on how I act than how I look. If I portray a Christian image, I will be perceived as such.

At best, physical beauty is temporal and fleeting. Proverbs 31:30

I am not, however, without sin today. At our evening "social," there was an open bar. One glass of wine turned to two, and before I realized it, two turned to five, and I was not quite the new me I've been trying so hard to be. I consiously tried to make sure that I didn't swear, didn't use the Lord's name in vain, or do anything that God wouldn't approve of me doing. However, I felt guilty. I shoud have known better. Why do I need to be inhebriated to fit in? Better yet...why do I need to fit in, at all? I need to stop drinking, and it is something that I plan to address with God. Not that I drink often, but it is still not something I should do...at least not for the purpose of getting drunk.

And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit. Ephesians 5:18

What I do know is that I miss my family. I miss my husband. I miss my church. Even though it's only been two days since I was there, it feels like much longer. I feel distant right now, and that's not somewhere I want to be. I am anxious to go home tomorrow. To be reunited with my husband who will help me get re-focused on my/our journey. I am even more anxious to accompany him into the house of our Lord tomorrow night for a special Praise & Prayer service which I so desperately need.

Good Flight, Great Book

As suggested by a friend, I picked up a new book today at Barnes & Noble titled "The lies women believe, and the truth that sets them free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

The book is divided into sections, and I've only completed the first two, but wow... I'm not sure I've ever thought so hard or looked so deeply into my own thoughts and actions.

I am tired tonight from my travels, and have quite the headache, so my blog tonight will be brief. I did, however, wanted to make sure that I took these few moments to reflect and write today's thoughts.

Today, I saw some things from a different viewpoint. I saw a "Christian," someone who regularly attends church and who is very vocal about their beliefs in God act like they have never known Him. I watched in amazement as the "F" word flew out of their mouth repeatedly, followed by a couple of carefully executed middle finger salutes...all in casual conversation. Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not judging. What I am doing, is realizing that was me not so very long ago. I can't believe that I claimed to be a Christian, yet acted like that. How foolish! No wonder Christians have such a bad name.

I know I'm making huge changes in my life, and to some they don't understand, to others it may be overboard. To me, it's time. Not only do I not want to project that kind of image as a Christian, but I don't want to project that image as a mother, a friend, a wife, or anything else.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Spring Cleaning

In my newfound spiritual "cleanliness," I have found myself wanting to clean. My desk, the house, the laundry, the yard. Today, it was the garage. I am generally not someone who cleans anything. I hate cleaning. Yet over the past couple weeks, I seem to have this desire to clean things. I am guessing that the Lord is using it as a symbol for me and my life (I can't justify it any other way).

In the past, while claiming to be a Christian, I was unclean. I was full of unrepented sin, guilt, anger, and all the baggage that comes along with not being right with God. I am working really hard these days to walk the right path...I guess that's why I want to clean up the areas I walk in!

...it shall be a statute forever throughout your generations, that you may distinguish between holy and unholy, and between clean and unclean. Lev 10:9-10

And he set the gatekeepers at the gates of the house of the LORD, so that no one who was in any way unclean should enter. 2 Chronicles 23:19

Tonight, Bob and I attended "date night" at church, where we talked about marriage. What a great place to start cleaning! A strong marriage based around faith in God is the rock for a solid family. For well structured children, and for as good of a life here on Earth that one can have. I look forward to strengthening our marriage through Him, and I know that we are already on the path to get there!

We joke with the church leaders that we are just going to pitch a tent at VCC because we've been there so much lately... I am so glad that we found VCC! Valley Creek and its leaders have been instrumental (through the Holy Spirit, of course) in getting Bob and I where we are today, and I can't wait for Thursday night when we can walk into the house of our Lord again!

How could I have been so blind?

Today was a great day. A day filled with church, friends, family and understanding. Something amazing has happened to me in these last few weeks. As I have truly started to seek God and further my relationship with Him, I find myself with thoughts and answers that I have never had in my journey before.

Today, as we sat in our Core class at VCC, we listened as our leader spoke about Jesus. About His ministry, about His humanity about His death, and of His return. I have always been very fascinated with His return and the "end of time." I have always wanted to know more about it... When will it happen? How will it happen? What are the signs that it is near? How will we know it's time?

I heard today, a scripture I have heard before:

No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in haven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Matthew 24:36

Now I understand that it says that no one knows, but what about 2012? What about all the scholars and theologians that say they know when it will take place?

Today, I learned that Peter and Paul both said that Jesus would return "soon." 2,000+ years later...still, we wait.

Therefore, you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect. Matthew 24:44

So, today, while sitting listening to these scriptures about how plainly it states that no one knows, my mind drifted, and I wondered why, if they can't know, they would try so hard to figure it out. Why so many people have dedicated countless hours and resources to write books and lectures and pour out theories on something that they would never know?

And it hit me like a ton of bricks (thanks for that, Holy Spirit). I was so interested and desperate to know WHEN because I wasn't ready. I wasn't right with Him, and I was scared. I wanted to know when and how I'd know the signs because I wasn't willing to give my life up to him. I wanted to keep on living the "good" life that I was living, because I would, at the very last minute, repent, be forgiven, and somehow just make it into the pearly gates. Really? REALLY?!?!

How foolish. How naive. How selfish. How much farther from the truth could I have been? I had used the "I want to watch my kids grow up." line many times... but now, even that doesn't make any sense to me. Why in the world would I want to wach my children grow up in this world? Why would I want to have to watch them go through all the trials and tribulations this world has to offer them? Why not be anxious for Him to return so that I can spend all of eternity with my children? In a place where there is no sin. No suffering. No hate. Only love, peace, and full understanding as we walk and reign with God.

I realized today that if I'm truly saved (which I now know I am), and I know I'm going with Him when He comes (which I also now know I am)....it doesn't matter if that day is today, tomorrow, or another 2,000 years from now because I am right with the Lord. I don't need to know when or what the signs are going to be....because I'm not going to just "sneak in." I'm going out professing my love for him, hands raised, and ready to be one with Him.




On a side note....at the end of yesterday's blog, I mentioned that I had been given a mission. Today, part one of that mission was fulfilled. I didn't even have to fight for it...it just happened. And while I'm not quite ready to say what...I'll just say that it's something that hasn't happened in over 15 years! I am SO excited! God is doing amazing things in and through my life right now!

I must confess...

For the first time since attending VCC, we went to Saturday evening service because we are attending two classes Sunday morning that will prevent us from attending the regular service. I will have to say that A) I was surprised at how many were in attendance on a Saturday evening and B) it just didn't feel the same as going on a Sunday morning. There's just something special and sacred to me about worshipping on Sunday. Maybe I'm just a creature of habit, but nonetheless, it just felt different.

Pastor Kevin is in the middle of a series called The Kingdom of God. Tonight's message was about how you can't possibly HIDE from God. You can't keep secrets, you can't tuck your sins in a closet, you can't fool him about who you REALLY are. This message runs through to my core because for so long I claimed to be a Christian, but I certainly didn't show it. It's like I was trying to fool God into believing I was saved without really ever having to prove it. How many times have I lied? Lied to better myself, lied to get ahead, lied to get my way....and got away with it? Never had to let anyone know of the lie I told....and was proud that I succeeded? Well, I didn't get away with it. God knew. He knew before I did it that I was going to do it. How foolish of me to think that there wasn't someone that knew my deepest darkest secrets....

At the end of the service today, Pastor Kevin challenged each of us to come forward and confess our "secrets" to one of our church leaders. To confess, repent, and ask forgiveness so that we can be freed of the guilt and shame that we are carrying because of our transgressions. Now, I've never been to "confession," nor can I say that I ever got the point. God already knows what I did...why do I have to tell someone else?!?!

Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16

Then Joshua said to Achan, "My son, give glory to the LORD, the God of Israel, by telling the truth. Make your confession, and tell me what you have done. Don't hide it from me." Joshua 7:19

As the two different sides (good and evil) went back and forth in my head, I debated whether or not to obey the preacher's command this evening. While I knew I had a secret to confess, I didn't want to have to say it out loud to anyone, much less in church...in God's house. But I did. As I try to be strong in my faith, and listen to the calls of the Holy Spirit, I was obedient, and I confessed. I confessed about something that prior to today, only two people in the world knew about...and once I got through the tears, it felt good. A huge burden and weight was lifted off of me tonight. I have now confessed, repented, and have been forgiven. Not only that, but through my confession, the Holy Spirit spoke to me...and I have seen how I can redeem myself, and make it right.

My path is clear, and once again, I will listen.