Insecurity

Tonight we (a group of women from Valley Creek) started our summer book reading of Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity: You've been a bad friend to us. It was great to be there...at church, surrounded by a bunch of women who are all fighting the same, but different, battles.

I loved the first couple chapters of the book and can't wait to read the rest. I got something tonight, however, that I didn't get while reading...

As several women were brave enough to share what they are insecure about I started thinking about what it is that I am most insecure about. And what did I realize?

I am insecure about being insecure.

Good grief. Really? Here I am with a bunch of women that have all kinds of insecurities. Women who are ready to share them, reach out for help with them, and most importantly, break free of them. And here I am, sitting there thinking What do they think of me? I'm the youngest one here. My story couldn't possibly top that. They all have a friend here. All these women look better than me. Their reasons behind their insecurities are so much better than mine. Heck...I don't even know what mine are!

I have a couple of thoughts...

#1. I have acceptance issues. I always have. I don't know what they stem from or what the root cause of these issues is....but I aim to find out. I am asking God to reveal the source to me so that I can break free.

#2. I always struggle with the fact that I don't have many friends. I realized tonight that the reason I probably don't have any friends is because I've let insecurity be my friend...and there's no room for anyone else. You've been a VERY bad friend, indeed!

I think if I can conquer these issues (which I believe are one in the same), I think I will be a whole new person. Someone that isn't constantly insecure about self worth. Someone that isn't incessantly self-consious. Someone that doesn't have a never-ending need to compare myself to others. Someone that doesn't pick fights just to win them so I can feel better about ME.

I look forward to the next chapter, and our next book club meeting. I look forward to praying very hard over the upcoming days and weeks for God to show me and reveal to me what's causing all this bondage. Beth Moore says that while insecurity is an epidemic, it's curable...and I want to be free.