Well, in less than an hour, Bob & I will leave the house, get in the car, head to the airport and board a plane to Boston for a week.....WITHOUT the kids. Though this is not the first time we have gone on a trip without them, this trip has me worried much more than the first.
I was very excited about this trip. So anxious to get away, spend a few days with colleagues, and then a couple more just Bob and I. And then? The seizure. It happened less than 2 weeks before we were to leave, and I immediately said I wasn't going. Doctors, Bob, the nanny, friends and family convinced me otherwise, so off I go.
This morning I asked a special friend at the church to pray that the girls would be fine while we were gone. She saw right through me. She said and I quote, "The girls WILL be fine. I'll pray for YOU." Am I that transparent? LOL. I balled my eyes out this morning in church just thinking about leaving, and asking God over and over to take care of them...and us...while we are gone. I asked for save travels, a safe return, and protection of all those involved in their care while we are gone. And though I am confident he will answer my prayer and deliver once again, I am fearful. I am scared to be so far away...this time more than ever. So, I need your prayer.
While I may not have found all that God has in store for me, I do know one of his purposes for me, and that is to be a mother. I love my kiddos so much....you never realize just how much until you're about to walk out the door. I can't wait to get back home, and I haven't even left.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Finding Purpose
So, a lot of time has passed since I've blogged. I don't really have a good excuse other than I've been busy...in a slump of sorts....lazy....any of those would work in my book.
As many of you know, last week was very traumatic for the Greenwood family, as our little one Aspynne, had a seizure on Tuesday morning out of nowhere. We spent all week stressing, having tests done, etc....only to find that she's just perfect (which we already knew). God has been amazing to me since last Tuesday...and it's really lit my fire. During Aspynne's seizure, I fell to my knees and cried out to God to save her. He did. The next day, I begged him to take the images of her seizing from my mind, as I could not get past them. He did. A couple days later, I asked him to please deliver me from being afraid to be around her. He has.
Yesterday, Addyson asked Jesus for a rainbow. And within minutes, he delivered.
He's given me so much this week....and I have to ask myself what I've given him. I've been volunteering in the Nursery/Preschool at church the past few weekends, and I'm really enjoying it. I would have never thought it would be something I wanted to do, but I felt called, I listened, and I am loving it.
A guest speaker at our church yesterday spoke about our "calling." I know that I've been chosen, and now, I feel like I'm being called. I just don't know where. I feel like there is something great out there for me. Something that I will truly love that I can serve Him and fulfil all of his plans for me doing. Maybe the Nursery/Preschool is the beginning of that "training" that I need before he sends me out....maybe it's not.
Bottom line is....I'm not sure how to find it. I am praying...because I know he answers prayer...that he will show me. I want it handed to me on a platter, or flashed in front of me like a neon sign. I'm ready. I'm willing. I just need to know where to go.
If you read this, say a little prayer for me. Pray that I will find whatever it is that God has for me to do so that I can take that leap of faith and follow His instruction.
It's not that I don't love my job, or my life, or where I'm at right now, I just feel like there's something MORE.
As many of you know, last week was very traumatic for the Greenwood family, as our little one Aspynne, had a seizure on Tuesday morning out of nowhere. We spent all week stressing, having tests done, etc....only to find that she's just perfect (which we already knew). God has been amazing to me since last Tuesday...and it's really lit my fire. During Aspynne's seizure, I fell to my knees and cried out to God to save her. He did. The next day, I begged him to take the images of her seizing from my mind, as I could not get past them. He did. A couple days later, I asked him to please deliver me from being afraid to be around her. He has.
Yesterday, Addyson asked Jesus for a rainbow. And within minutes, he delivered.
He's given me so much this week....and I have to ask myself what I've given him. I've been volunteering in the Nursery/Preschool at church the past few weekends, and I'm really enjoying it. I would have never thought it would be something I wanted to do, but I felt called, I listened, and I am loving it.
A guest speaker at our church yesterday spoke about our "calling." I know that I've been chosen, and now, I feel like I'm being called. I just don't know where. I feel like there is something great out there for me. Something that I will truly love that I can serve Him and fulfil all of his plans for me doing. Maybe the Nursery/Preschool is the beginning of that "training" that I need before he sends me out....maybe it's not.
Bottom line is....I'm not sure how to find it. I am praying...because I know he answers prayer...that he will show me. I want it handed to me on a platter, or flashed in front of me like a neon sign. I'm ready. I'm willing. I just need to know where to go.
If you read this, say a little prayer for me. Pray that I will find whatever it is that God has for me to do so that I can take that leap of faith and follow His instruction.
It's not that I don't love my job, or my life, or where I'm at right now, I just feel like there's something MORE.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Insecurity
Tonight we (a group of women from Valley Creek) started our summer book reading of Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity: You've been a bad friend to us. It was great to be there...at church, surrounded by a bunch of women who are all fighting the same, but different, battles.
I loved the first couple chapters of the book and can't wait to read the rest. I got something tonight, however, that I didn't get while reading...
As several women were brave enough to share what they are insecure about I started thinking about what it is that I am most insecure about. And what did I realize?
I am insecure about being insecure.
Good grief. Really? Here I am with a bunch of women that have all kinds of insecurities. Women who are ready to share them, reach out for help with them, and most importantly, break free of them. And here I am, sitting there thinking What do they think of me? I'm the youngest one here. My story couldn't possibly top that. They all have a friend here. All these women look better than me. Their reasons behind their insecurities are so much better than mine. Heck...I don't even know what mine are!
I have a couple of thoughts...
#1. I have acceptance issues. I always have. I don't know what they stem from or what the root cause of these issues is....but I aim to find out. I am asking God to reveal the source to me so that I can break free.
#2. I always struggle with the fact that I don't have many friends. I realized tonight that the reason I probably don't have any friends is because I've let insecurity be my friend...and there's no room for anyone else. You've been a VERY bad friend, indeed!
I think if I can conquer these issues (which I believe are one in the same), I think I will be a whole new person. Someone that isn't constantly insecure about self worth. Someone that isn't incessantly self-consious. Someone that doesn't have a never-ending need to compare myself to others. Someone that doesn't pick fights just to win them so I can feel better about ME.
I look forward to the next chapter, and our next book club meeting. I look forward to praying very hard over the upcoming days and weeks for God to show me and reveal to me what's causing all this bondage. Beth Moore says that while insecurity is an epidemic, it's curable...and I want to be free.
I loved the first couple chapters of the book and can't wait to read the rest. I got something tonight, however, that I didn't get while reading...
As several women were brave enough to share what they are insecure about I started thinking about what it is that I am most insecure about. And what did I realize?
I am insecure about being insecure.
Good grief. Really? Here I am with a bunch of women that have all kinds of insecurities. Women who are ready to share them, reach out for help with them, and most importantly, break free of them. And here I am, sitting there thinking What do they think of me? I'm the youngest one here. My story couldn't possibly top that. They all have a friend here. All these women look better than me. Their reasons behind their insecurities are so much better than mine. Heck...I don't even know what mine are!
I have a couple of thoughts...
#1. I have acceptance issues. I always have. I don't know what they stem from or what the root cause of these issues is....but I aim to find out. I am asking God to reveal the source to me so that I can break free.
#2. I always struggle with the fact that I don't have many friends. I realized tonight that the reason I probably don't have any friends is because I've let insecurity be my friend...and there's no room for anyone else. You've been a VERY bad friend, indeed!
I think if I can conquer these issues (which I believe are one in the same), I think I will be a whole new person. Someone that isn't constantly insecure about self worth. Someone that isn't incessantly self-consious. Someone that doesn't have a never-ending need to compare myself to others. Someone that doesn't pick fights just to win them so I can feel better about ME.
I look forward to the next chapter, and our next book club meeting. I look forward to praying very hard over the upcoming days and weeks for God to show me and reveal to me what's causing all this bondage. Beth Moore says that while insecurity is an epidemic, it's curable...and I want to be free.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Life is too short...
Today, I am reminded that life is too short. Life is too short to live with regrets. Too short to bog yourself down with worries and stress. Too short to be selfish or worry about worldly posessions. Too short not to get right with God NOW.
Today, is the one year anniversary of the death of someone very special. Someone that was very special to my best friend...and my best friend is very special to me. Over the past year, he has accomplished so many amazing things...
I look into the future, and I hope that as I begin to lose my family, that I will be able to carry on their memory as well as he has. I hope that I can one day take part in an MS walk to honor my mom...
I am nothing short of amazed at how God can take death and turn it into something so important to someone left behind on this Earth. It just reminds me that it IS all part of his plan, and that the grace and goodness of Him can be found in ANY situation....if you are just willing to listen.
Today, I will donate to our cause...and in October I will walk again in his honor. I am proud to be a part of the celebration of this day.
Want to donate? http://pages.lightthenight.org/ntx/DallasL10/AGreenwood
Today, is the one year anniversary of the death of someone very special. Someone that was very special to my best friend...and my best friend is very special to me. Over the past year, he has accomplished so many amazing things...
I look into the future, and I hope that as I begin to lose my family, that I will be able to carry on their memory as well as he has. I hope that I can one day take part in an MS walk to honor my mom...
I am nothing short of amazed at how God can take death and turn it into something so important to someone left behind on this Earth. It just reminds me that it IS all part of his plan, and that the grace and goodness of Him can be found in ANY situation....if you are just willing to listen.
Today, I will donate to our cause...and in October I will walk again in his honor. I am proud to be a part of the celebration of this day.
Want to donate? http://pages.lightthenight.org/ntx/DallasL10/AGreenwood
Monday, May 24, 2010
Why am I so blah???
Yesterday, I was very excited to get to church. I always enjoy my time at VCC, and was very much looking forward to another inspiring Sunday. Bob and I arrived with just minutes to spare. We hurried the kiddos into their respective classrooms, and made it into the worship service with 1:30 to spare! All was well. Sunday had officially begun!
We sang along and praised God with the worship team, and as I sang I prepared to hear about another of Jesus' amazing miracles. (We began a new 7 week series last week). After worship, they took the offering, and announced that Pastor Kevin was not going to be giving the message this week. For a moment, I thought we might get to hear another amazing message from Assoc. Pastor John Stickl. Nope. There was a guest speaker from a Church in India there to give the message today. Now, I know I shouldn't be...and it's probably wrong on 1000 different levels, but this is my blog. For my thoughts. And I'll say it.... I was DISAPPOINTED. Sure, his message was good, but it's not what I was hoping for. What I had been looking forward to ALL WEEK.
To top it off, yesterday was the last of our CORE classes with Eric Hill. I have enjoyed that time so much every week. I have learned so much, and he inspires me to learn so much more. But now it's over, and that, too, is disappointing.
I'm not sure what's going on these past 10 days or so. Bob and I started a nightly reading together last Sunday that was supposed to run 40 days. We did 3, and haven't done one since. Bob missed bible study last week. I haven't picked up my book in almost 2 weeks.
I guess I need a swift kick in the you know what to get jump started. Today, our nanny and I are back on the diet. I lost 20 pounds in January, and I've gained 10 of it back. Talk about backsliding... UGH!
Today, I'm going to pray to be inspired. I'm going to pray that God will give me the desire, the strength, and the discipline to stay focused on my journey. I don't want to go back to where I was...it was not a happy place.
We sang along and praised God with the worship team, and as I sang I prepared to hear about another of Jesus' amazing miracles. (We began a new 7 week series last week). After worship, they took the offering, and announced that Pastor Kevin was not going to be giving the message this week. For a moment, I thought we might get to hear another amazing message from Assoc. Pastor John Stickl. Nope. There was a guest speaker from a Church in India there to give the message today. Now, I know I shouldn't be...and it's probably wrong on 1000 different levels, but this is my blog. For my thoughts. And I'll say it.... I was DISAPPOINTED. Sure, his message was good, but it's not what I was hoping for. What I had been looking forward to ALL WEEK.
To top it off, yesterday was the last of our CORE classes with Eric Hill. I have enjoyed that time so much every week. I have learned so much, and he inspires me to learn so much more. But now it's over, and that, too, is disappointing.
I'm not sure what's going on these past 10 days or so. Bob and I started a nightly reading together last Sunday that was supposed to run 40 days. We did 3, and haven't done one since. Bob missed bible study last week. I haven't picked up my book in almost 2 weeks.
I guess I need a swift kick in the you know what to get jump started. Today, our nanny and I are back on the diet. I lost 20 pounds in January, and I've gained 10 of it back. Talk about backsliding... UGH!
Today, I'm going to pray to be inspired. I'm going to pray that God will give me the desire, the strength, and the discipline to stay focused on my journey. I don't want to go back to where I was...it was not a happy place.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Unproductive & Uninspired
Haven't written this week, which makes me sad. I've been super busy, really tired, and quite frankly, haven't had much to say.
I am disappointed, as I thought this week would hold more for me...would be something more grandeur with the baptism on Sunday. Instead, I haven't really had anything going on...other than the normal day-to-day that is my life with a full-time job, a husband, and two kids.
Today, I'm having a garage sale, which I'm quickly realizing isn't going to be much without the "community garage sale" advertising to go behind it. While I've been sitting here alone this morning, I've been thinking about my week...and how I am so very ready to start a new one tomorrow. I need to be inspired.
I am disappointed, as I thought this week would hold more for me...would be something more grandeur with the baptism on Sunday. Instead, I haven't really had anything going on...other than the normal day-to-day that is my life with a full-time job, a husband, and two kids.
Today, I'm having a garage sale, which I'm quickly realizing isn't going to be much without the "community garage sale" advertising to go behind it. While I've been sitting here alone this morning, I've been thinking about my week...and how I am so very ready to start a new one tomorrow. I need to be inspired.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Our Amazing Day
Today was such an amazing day! Bob and I were both baptized this morning at church....for different, yet similar reasons...
As many of you know, Bob recently came to know Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. As his next step, and as a sign of his obedience, he came forth to be baptized today.
I can tell you that it was truly amazing on so many different levels. I was so proud for Bob to be there to witness his baptism. I was so excited to see him take this next step in his journey with Christ. It was equally amazing to see Bob be baptized by someone he looks up to and respects so much. Someone who has been an integral part of helping relay the messages of God to Bob.
It was also amazing as I "officially" started my new journey today! As I said this morning (in front of several hundred people), I have known God for a very long time, but I turned my back on him. I walked away. But he never gave up on me. He was always chasing me...trying to get me back on his path. I am ready. I am His. I am giving myself (all of myself) to Him to do as he desires. I am ready to listen. I am ready to obey. Today marked a new beginning for me. A fresh start. Not many times in life do you get a "do over," but God is gracious...and he has once again forgiven me of my sins! I was also very proud to have someone perform my baptism that I have been drawn to over the past few months. She is such an amazing woman!
Maybe the most amazing of all, is the outpouring of support that Bob and I received today. A friend from way back came out of the woodworks today to be there to witness our baptisms. A leader from the church (who was not going to be there today) came. Just to see us baptized. Another leader that we have grown very close to was there...not to watch on the screen, but in the atrium to experience it with us first hand, and it was truly amazing. I am so greatful for all of these people...not to mention my husband for being there to support me today.
The changes we have been making in our lives have already proven to be effective in our marriage, our parenting, and our friendships. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us!
When He had been baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened up to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." Matthew 3:16-17
As many of you know, Bob recently came to know Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. As his next step, and as a sign of his obedience, he came forth to be baptized today.
I can tell you that it was truly amazing on so many different levels. I was so proud for Bob to be there to witness his baptism. I was so excited to see him take this next step in his journey with Christ. It was equally amazing to see Bob be baptized by someone he looks up to and respects so much. Someone who has been an integral part of helping relay the messages of God to Bob.
It was also amazing as I "officially" started my new journey today! As I said this morning (in front of several hundred people), I have known God for a very long time, but I turned my back on him. I walked away. But he never gave up on me. He was always chasing me...trying to get me back on his path. I am ready. I am His. I am giving myself (all of myself) to Him to do as he desires. I am ready to listen. I am ready to obey. Today marked a new beginning for me. A fresh start. Not many times in life do you get a "do over," but God is gracious...and he has once again forgiven me of my sins! I was also very proud to have someone perform my baptism that I have been drawn to over the past few months. She is such an amazing woman!
Maybe the most amazing of all, is the outpouring of support that Bob and I received today. A friend from way back came out of the woodworks today to be there to witness our baptisms. A leader from the church (who was not going to be there today) came. Just to see us baptized. Another leader that we have grown very close to was there...not to watch on the screen, but in the atrium to experience it with us first hand, and it was truly amazing. I am so greatful for all of these people...not to mention my husband for being there to support me today.
The changes we have been making in our lives have already proven to be effective in our marriage, our parenting, and our friendships. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us!
When He had been baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened up to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." Matthew 3:16-17
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